In the February of 1996, I sent David Carr two poorly conceived college-newspaper articles and a chapbook of black-nationalist poetry—and David Carr hired me. I can’t even tell you what he saw. I know that I immediately felt unworthy—a feeling that never quite faded—because I was a knucklehead and a fuck-up. But what I didn’t then know about David Carr was that he’d written and edited the knucklehead chronicles, and published annual editions wholly devoted to the craft of fucking-up. I think that David—recovering crack addict, recovering alcoholic, ex-cocaine dealer, lymphoma survivor, beautiful writer, gorgeous human—knew something about how a life of fucking up burrows itself into the bones of knuckleheads, and it changes there, transmutes into an abiding shame, a gnawing fear which likely dogs the reformed knucklehead right into the grave. Perhaps that fear could be turned into something beautiful. Perhaps a young journalist could pull power from that fear, could write from it, the way Bob Hayes ran with it, because the fear was not of anything earthly but of demons born from profound shame and fantastic imagination.
Having a high IQ doesn’t mean you are going to be successful. It just means your brain works faster. It recognizes patterns. It can reach conclusions quickly. I’m laughing at jokes as soon as the punch line comes out; I multitask and boredom is my nemesis. I’m always doing five things at once. My mom hates it when we go out for dinner. I have two phones, one for work and a personal one, and I am always on both. I’m still keeping up with the conversation and I don’t understand why she’s so upset.
Being underestimated — by men, by women, by themselves — is something most women have in common. We have to work harder from the outset to resist being dismissed, to attain equal footing, and then to maintain it. It’s endless, repetitive work, cut across and intensified by yet other assumptions based on accent, skin color, class, education, dress. And it’s a powerful thing, the learnt reflex to look at a woman and see someone who is by definition unaccomplished, a novice; someone’s disciple, companion, muse; someone with no power or expertise of her own. I’m not immune to it — I’ve caught myself in the act of underestimating women, of having assumed that the woman in the room isn’t the expert in the room. It’s a reflex so disturbing to notice that it’s tempting to pass over it in silence. But it’s a reflex enabled by the shocking paucity of women of authority and expertise across all media — a paucity not easily registered, so used are we to it.
It was 1969 when Carmen Goodyear dropped out of Vassar to live on the fringes of Mendocino, California. She began farming, and with fellow lesbians from across the country, began writing and publishing the consciousness-raising, feminist Country Women magazine from their cabins.
We were just talking about Radio Shack yesterday, I was saying how it seems so unnecessary these days and why would anybody go there, when Best Buy is so much bigger and has more things and there’s something consistently sketchy about Radio Shack. I think I’ve been a few times in the past few years, and every time have sort of been confused why it still exists but okay, it’s in the strip mall down the street so let’s do this thing. Anyhow I don’t know why I’m still talking about myself when the point is that this essay is both hilarious and intriguing.
Read Radio Shack’s Eulogy, the Playboy interview with Dan Savage (it’s worth it), the story of a prude’s awakening, a thing about your favorite podcast Serial and more in this week’s TIRTIL!
Take a moment this week to dig in to these longreads.
Things I Read That I Love #153: Feminine Marvelous and Tough
Things I Read That I Love #153: Feminine Marvelous and Tough
HELLO and welcome to the 88th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more about Kathy Acker! This “column” is less feminist/queer focused than the rest of the site because when something is feminist/queer focused, I put it on the rest of the site. Here is…
Things I Read That I Love #152: To Make Thunder Where There Was No Lightning
Things I Read That I Love #152: To Make Thunder Where There Was No Lightning
HELLO and welcome to the 152nd installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more about rehab! This “column” is less feminist/queer focused than the rest of the site because when something is feminist/queer focused, I put it on the rest of the site. Here is where the…
Things I Read That I Love #151: I Ate The Dirt Along With The Fruit
Things I Read That I Love #151: I Ate The Dirt Along With The Fruit
HELLO and welcome to the 151st installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more about foodies! This “column” is less feminist/queer focused than the rest of the site because when something is feminist/queer focused, I put it on the rest of the site. Here is where…
Things I Read That I Love #150: Whatever She Is Fleeing From Will Always Eventually Overtake Her
Things I Read That I Love #150: Whatever She Is Fleeing From Will Always Eventually Overtake Her
HELLO and welcome to the 150th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more about Nicki Minaj! This “column” is less feminist/queer focused than the rest of the site because when something is feminist/queer focused, I put it on the rest of the site. Here is…
Things I Read That I Love #149: A Place To Feed Those Hungry Skin Receptors
Things I Read That I Love #149: A Place To Feed Those Hungry Skin Receptors
HELLO and welcome to the 149th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more about mass shooters! This “column” is less feminist/queer focused than the rest of the site because when something is feminist/queer focused, I put it on the rest of the site. Here is…
Things I Read That I Love #147: I Couldn’t Wait To Read Books, Drink Beer, Smoke Pot, Get Laid.
Things I Read That I Love #147: I Couldn’t Wait To Read Books, Drink Beer, Smoke Pot, Get Laid.
HELLO and welcome to the 147th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more about Paula Deen! This “column” is less feminist/queer focused than the rest of the site because when something is feminist/queer focused, I put it on the rest of the site. Here is…
Things I Read That I Love #146: The Fumes Of A Magic Marker
Things I Read That I Love #146: The Fumes Of A Magic Marker
Topics include a lot of stuff about race and also rock star’s wives, making things, Star Trek, this app called Slack, the impact of the California drought and more!
Things I Read That I Love #145: It’s Gradual and Sad, or Wild and Thrashing
Things I Read That I Love #145: It’s Gradual and Sad, or Wild and Thrashing
Topics include love, full-figured fashion, depression & sobriety, rape of men in the military, debtor’s prison and more!