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I knew it was hard to come out. I think my life was just set that way because I lived in the fashion world and I was very much on my own and when I had my relationship with Sandra, communication wasn’t like it is nowadays — so it was almost like my family and country were there and my other life was here and they just didn’t cross. It became hard once I really was sure I was gay and I wanted to live my life openly and as the years went by, well I had to be honest to my family and to the people around me and I did — I was — for many years.
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I don’t feel shame anymore. I think the book was definitely the last bit of release, in a way, that I had to do in order to feel really proud of who I am. I think the transformation started way before. I don’t feel shame about anything in my life now.
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I’ve been struck by how the contributions of Black women in feminism have been consistently minimized, erased, and co-opted by the people who taught me, and ostensibly, many others like me, in women’s studies. It’s legitimately shameful how little credit is given to Black women for expanding feminism and really challenging women who led the movement throughout herstory to consider other components of oppression in their analyses.
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Since the show, my dad has done a complete 180. He’s been so supportive. He has watched every episode and shared his feelings along the way. I really do thank him for being the motivation to go on the show. That was what really pushed me to say yes. I wanted to do it for myself. It wasn’t about winning or competing; it was about pushing myself and trying to show my family that I could do it.
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