I now have a history of adding and deleting my OkCupid account because whenever I’m on there it always matches me with some with lesbian who is hanging off the side of a mountain in her profile picture. I have no idea what I put on my profile that makes OKC think these are the women I’m interested in dating. And honestly I tried throwing caution to the wind and saying “Hey, if the computer says we’re compatible then it must know what’s best, right?” Because honestly, while I’m open to diversity in the women that I date, I have found that usually out of 50 quick matches on OKC I might get 3 black lesbians. I met up with a hang gliding white lesbian once to see if there could actually be some sort of connection. Maybe she secretly has an affinity for ’60s soul on Stax Records or we could connect over L Word re-treads. It just didn’t work at all. The only thing we connected with was a love for Thai food and cognac which can work in certain situations. But there was no spark. And that is ok.
Hell, at least I tried.
The bottom line is that a good relationship requires everyone in it to think about how things will affect 1. them, 2. the other person, and 3. the relationship as an organism. Even though we live in the real world, and there will be times when at least one of those things has to take a hit, that should never be business as usual.
Your girlfriend wants to see other people and it’s breaking your heart. Luckily, Rachel’s here to give you some advice about it.
Many of my straight friends, even the most liberal, see this logic as warped. It’s one thing for them to admit that they would prefer their kids to be straight, something they’ll only begrudgingly confess. But wanting my daughter to be a lesbian? I might as well say I want her to grow up to be lactose intolerant.
WASH YOUR HANDS IF YOU ATE BUFFALO WINGS BEFORE GETTING LAID, OMG.
Y'all offered up some timeless sex advice when you took our Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey. Here’s some of our favorite bits of wisdom.
I realized last night that wedding vows and ceremony wordings are necessarily things that have been passed down and repeated (almost) verbatim, because that’s kinda the deal: we’re putting our names on the unfathomably long list of people who once made the same promise. It’s the ritual of the thing that grounds it and gives it weight, and I talk/write/think enough already. Maybe on this day I should say some words other people have said, because I feel the weight in them and they feel true without me having to fuck with them.
This is just some unfiltered honesty here. A feeling I’m still powering through la la la.
I felt like a second class citizen. I had to keep trying; I wouldn’t give up.
Since getting back, I have moved out of a bad living arrangement, found a new job, and come out to my mother. I’ve also started to question every assumption I’ve ever made — about myself, about others, and about what is possible. I’ve started to view people in a new way. I see privilege and disparity everywhere, and I feel a burning need to change it. More importantly, I believe that I can. I am more open and relaxed and at home in my body than I have ever been. I am frighteningly earnest. I am excited and grateful, and I am deeply, profoundly happy.
After vacillating between happiness and panic, Jess found herself at A-Camp 5 and totally loved it. That wouldn’t have been possible without her campership. Donate or apply for a Campership to A-Camp 6 today to spread the love.
When I came out about being bisexual to a very well-educated medical school colleague of mine (at the top of his class, multiple degrees, extensive knowledge about politics), he innocently commented that he never quite understood the idea of threesomes and asked whether my bisexuality meant that I would want to marry both a man and a woman. I was totally taken aback that even a highly educated peer could so honestly equate bisexuality with polygamy.
Miss the Oscars this year? Catch up with our liveblog situation from last night, now with more Tegan & Sara!
“I know I am so very very lucky to have gotten to go to A-Camp 2014. A year ago, I was overwhelmed by the heteronormative home I would have to get used to and I am so happy that a year later, I was fortunate to be in a space that is the antithesis. It is an opportunity that we all should get to enjoy — and I have to say, dear Autostraddle Reader That Has Yet to Go to A-Camp, I really missed you last year. Apply your heart out, friend and don’t give up completely. Autostraddle is here for you and A-Camp awaits your greatness.”
Apply for an A-Camp Campership or donate part or all of one today!
Excited about the Brittana wedding? OF COURSE YOU ARE. Bide your time ‘til the big moment by reading some lesbian wedding fan fiction.
For those of us who were or are closeted and missed out the joys of summer camp crushes, school dances and sharing secrets with friends, A-Camp is a priceless, life changing event that should be replicated as much as possible so that more people find their tribe.
Cleo’s Campership changed everything. Get a queer in need to A-Camp 6 by donating one today!