i want to write something about how i feel frustrated sometimes that i have to defend a life of men (the life i used to live) to every woman who loves me, as if it was a betrayl committed before their conception, but foreshadowing some unspeakable secret monster inside of me that i must constantly keep at bay with the power of rationalization.

this reminds me of a quote … brb

Michael: I don’t know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They’re more important than sex.
Sam Weber: Ah, come on. Nothing’s more important than sex.
Michael: Oh yeah? Ever gone a week without a rationalization?

(The Big Chill)