The next few months felt like gravity collapsing in on me, I’m not even sure it all happened or how it did or why. After he died, I occasionally felt it all in sharp jags, but more often I didn’t feel anything at all… not a single thing for days. Drinking felt different after that too, but it’s hard to say how. Everything shifted, reality suddenly had many, many moving parts.
Some of my current favorite creations on my fridge by various people
your fridge could look like this too! autostraddle queer word magnets
Leo and I were super into having this intergenerational queer connection. We wanted it to feel like this really affectionate, connecting moment where Max is encouraging and moved by Micah. This is how it is for queer people. We are each other’s family and sometimes pretty quickly you can have these bonds. That was really special. And also to show Max in this beautiful relationship with their partner which we didn’t see a lot of it in the past. I was very happy with the casting of Armand Fields and the way it felt with us all on set with Em. Everyone was so committed to this moment. At one point, Armand said, “Welcome back to your franchise” as if it’s Marvel or something. And I realized so much of what I experienced in the past was trying to prove I was a part of something because they always tried to make it very clear that I wasn’t really a cast member because I wasn’t a woman.
But these people — Em, Nova, Armand, Jillian, Leo — they all just made it really clear that they were happy I was back. It was a dream.
Sa’iyda: I was so enraptured by it that it didn’t even register to my brain that like, “Oh, you have to ask about that.”
Jacqueline: It’s actually an interesting story. So Em, who’s our director, they’re awesome, and they were like, “Well, we’re doing a demolition scene. I want to do a little montage.” We’re like, “Okay, what do you mean? Where’s the camera?” You’re asking these technical questions. And they were like, “It’s going to be Magic Mike.” And we were like, “Okay.” And then Kate jokingly said, “Can we play Pony over the speakers?” And Em was like, “100%. We’ll make that happen.” She’s just delighted that we’re even interested in this idea. And so we go outside while they’re setting up and decide to look at a YouTube video of Jenna Dewan doing it on that show where they did—
Sa’iyda: Oh, Lip Sync Battle.
Jacqueline: Lip Sync Battle! And then we watched the original scene and we were like, “If we’re going to do it, let’s do it.” So then we just started doing it and we thought there was no chance it was going to make the episode because it’s so outrageous. We were like, “Whatever. They’ll use it for promo.” It was basically just Kate and I having a lot of fun, and then they worked it in. And I can’t believe it.
(via Jacqueline Toboni Talks Rosie, Role Models, and Going Full Magic Mike in Gen Q)
via Aubrey Plaza’s Movie Performances, Ranked, by Shelli Nicole
TAKE THE QUIZ: Which Gen Q Character Is Your Soulmate?
But as I continue to ask myself the question, “Can this be enough?” that resignation has started to shift into an acceptance, which on occasion is even joyful. As many have written before me, there are some serious perks of being single. I live my life on my terms, filling up my days however I want and doing the mundane things in life according to my own particular habits.
Did you know that Autostraddle has DAILY PUZZLES now? Wordrows (like wordle, but for a whole phrase), mini-crosswords, word searches and more, all queer-themed and created by master puzzle creators.
