autostraddle.com tumblr presence

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

What do you do when a close friend tells you that they disagree with your lifestyle choice but think you’re a good person anyway?

i would roll my eyes really hard, stick out my tongue, and go back to reading my book.

yesterday though, i would’ve said “well BLESS YOUR HEART for thinking i’m a good person anyway. whatever on earth did i do to deserve such high praise from such a pristine, grand FLAWLESS soul. thank you! i’m gonna go home now and call everyone i know so i can tell them what happened to me today – that my basic existence was given your stamp of approval JUST WAIT ‘TIL MY MOTHER HEARS THIS. she’ll be so proud! THANK YOU, ANGEL OF LIFE.”

but that would’ve been childish, so.

Ask Laneia something small or large

formspring.me

thoughts on the whole IC Kony controversy?

you know the thing is i can’t imagine what kind of person would ask people to give them money to save lives if they weren’t gonna use that money to save lives. i just refuse to believe that people like that exist. it’s not easy to ask people to give you money for a thing. it’s really humbling, and you’re constantly checking yourself, constantly, constantly looking over your priorities, what maybe someone could suggest you do differently instead of asking for money, it’s just such an emotional experience, really. i can’t imagine doing that dishonestly! so i don’t know even what to do. i just watched the video b/c ppl keep asking me about it. and i asked marni what she knew about it and she said people have said that invisible children is sketchy or whatever, and my left hand wants to google that, and my right hand wants to cover my eyes because it kills me every time that somebody who presents such an earnest message has other motives. like, god. i just want earnestness to be REAL. so basically, it was a really well-done movie except that it was like, super “white people are so white and CHARITABLE and my son is like SUCH A CUTE BUTTON” which is so totally GAH or whatever, and also – why are all their employees (you can see them on their website) ALL WHITE despite this being an American video and America being diverse? – but i guess, you know, well, i know who kony is, so? that will be helpful if this video fucks up the mission that’s already there. oh god. i just want people to promise to be totally honest!

UPDATE: I read this, so

Ask Riese a brand new thing

formspring.me

We were hard core flirting for a few weeks (partially in Olde English), then she asked me out and we had to raincheck, ended up making new plans. On the day of which she said “I like you more than I’m ready to…” and has since yet to talk to me. Help?

you should try shaking her upside down over a fire pit that’s surrounded by scorpions and snakes and spiders. have you tried this yet? maybe you’ve already tried this. hm. i’d take a roll of toilet paper, unroll it, write a poem and a story on it, go ahead and include illustrations, roll it back up. put the toilet paper roll in a hatbox, wrap the hatbox with a wide, ivory colored satin ribbon. rent a horse. put the hatbox in a saddlebag on the right side of the horse (unless you’re left-handed, obviously). ride the horse to her house. shit i forgot to tell you to wear a large hat. wear a large hat. if it had a feather in it, i’d feel a lot better. when you get to her house, begin serenading her window. go with a little-known carole king song. when she opens her window and makes eye contact with you, rip off your shirt and scream like you’re in blinding pain. she’ll slam the window shut. quickly!– get the hatbox out of the saddlebag and put it near the front door. if you have some strong tape or a rope, go ahead and affix the box to the door. you have to be quick, though. get back on your horse and by now she should be at the door. now ride away on the horse, waving your hat in the air and yodeling. if you can’t yodel, just keep your hat on. if she reads the toilet paper and decides that she likes it and is ready to like you, she’ll call you. either way make sure you get the horse back in time because you do not want to fuck around with rented horses.

Ask Laneia something small or large

formspring.me