Jane Magazine, March 1999
Little White Lies, 2012
what are all of your tumblrs for all of you
me:
this tumblr - autostraddle.tumblr.com
my magazine tumblr - somanymagazines.tumblr.com
my rooms i like tumblr - ilikeyourroom.tumblr.com
my kristen chenoweth tweeting on ambien tumblr - kristinchenowethtweetingonambien.tumblr.com
my things i told livejournal tumblr - thingsitoldlivejournal.tumblr.com
group efforts:
our life in kittens - weareallmadeofkittens.tumblr.com
things riese & laneia said tumblr - withketchupandanorange.tumblr.com
emails riese & crystal wrote tumblr - wewrotesomanyemails.tumblr.com
things we wanted to write down tumblr - ohwritethatdown.tumblr.com
defunct tumblr containing pictures i took of alex napping - justcaughtnapping.tumblr.com
individuals:
laneia: howtopronouncelaneia.tumblr.com
rachel: anti-thesis.tumblr.com
laura: paperroot.tumblr.com
grace: ohheygrace.tumblr.com
katrina: kcdanger.tumblr.com
gabby: quirkyrican.tumblr.com
carolyn: carolynyates.com
carmen: carmenrios.tumblr.com
crystal: dishere.tumblr.com
brittani: brittaniwastaken.tumblr.com
lizz: ohheyitslizz.tumblr.com
annika: transgenderexpress.tumblr.com
fonseca: fonsecadelsur.tumblr.com
robin: robinshoots.tumblr.com
carly: carlytron.tumblr.com
kate: trashydyke.tumblr.com
taylor: ouroburrow.tumblr.com
lemon: lemonwilder.tumblr.com
kristen: fooditarian.tumblr.com
vanessa: taken-out-of-context.tumblr.com
sebastian: xxboy.tumblr.com
aja: fitforafemme.tumblr.com
bevin: queerfatfemme.tumblr.com
alex/croce: twoboisoneroad.tumblr.com
marni: fuckyeahjudithbutler.tumblr.com
tumblrs of interest to autostraddle:
fuckyeahautostraddle.tumblr.com
hottieswithautostraddleswag.tumblr.com
wordswithgirls.tumblr.com
fuckyeahjuliegoldman.tumblr.com
straddlegifs.tumblr.com
autostraddlecamp.tumblr.com
autostraddlespam.tumblr.com
My girlfriend told me that she had a sex dream about my mom.
well at least you know you can always trust her to tell you the truth, even when it’s weird or uncomfortable
Glee cast-season four
New York Magazine, 1995
hey LIzz! i’m loosing my hair a lot lately, what can i do/eat to avoid it?
I think you should go see a doctor just incase your hair loss is a sign of something medical going on. Or stress– are you stressed?
how do you cope with things that are supposed to get harder and harder when you’re feeling they’re really hard right now? how do you keep strong and keep going?
I take three deep breaths every morning in the shower. I try to go swimming a few times per week and get in some yoga. I also listen to The Climb by Miley Cyrus alternating with the Glee version of Defying Gravity over and over again.
But mostly I just wake up every morning like the morning before and put on some clothes and drink some coffee and eat the elephant one bite at a time.
A million years ago, the cave man, without tools, with small brain, and with nothing but the strength of his body, managed to feed his wife and children, so that through him the race survived. You on the other hand, armed with all the modern means of production, multiplying the productive capacity of the cave man a million times — you are incompetents and muddlers, you are unable to secure to millions even the paltry amount of bread that would sustain their physical life. You have mismanaged the world, and it shall be taken from you.
Jack London (speaking to a group of wealthy New Yorkers at the turn of the century)
Sixteen Things Calvin and Hobbes Said Better Than Anyone Else
To paraphrase E.B. White, the perfect sentence is one from which nothing can be added or removed. Every word plays its part. In my more giddy moments I think that a simple comic strip featuring Calvin, a preternaturally bright six year-old, and Hobbes, his imaginary tiger friend, features some of the most lucid sentences committed to print. And when I sober up, I usually think exactly the same.
Bill Watterson’s Calvin and Hobbes ran between 1985 and 1995. His comic strip managed to infuse wondering (and wandering) on a cosmic scale into an ageless world of lazy Sunday afternoons, snow goons, and harassed babysitters. I’m not saying that you should take moral and philosophical guidance from the inventor of Calvinball (a game that runs on chaos theory), but you could do much worse.
So here, in no particular order, is a selection of quotes that nail everything from the meaning of life to special underwear. Enjoy.
On life’s constant little limitations
Calvin: You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help.
On expectations
Calvin: Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
On why we are scared of the dark
Calvin: I think night time is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.
On the unspoken truth behind the education system
Calvin: As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.
On the cruel reality of commercial art
Hobbes: Van Gogh would’ve sold more than one painting if he’d put tigers in them.
On the tragedy of hipsters
Calvin: The world bores you when you’re cool.
On the tears of a clown
Calvin: Isn’t it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humour? When you think about it, it’s weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We like it. We think it’s funny. Don’t you think it’s odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us?
Hobbes: I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.
Calvin: (after a long pause) I can’t tell if that’s funny or really scary.
On the falling of sparrows (or providence’s lack of a timetable)
Calvin: Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.
On why winter is the cruellest of seasons
Calvin: Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
On the gaping hole in contemporary art’s soul
Calvin: People always make the mistake of thinking art is created for them. But really, art is a private language for sophisticates to congratulate themselves on their superiority to the rest of the world. As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.
On playing Frankenstein with words
Calvin: Verbing weirds language.
On realising God is more Woody Allen than Michael Bay
Calvin: They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines.
Hobbes: Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce.
Calvin: We need more special effects and dance numbers.
On why ET is real
Calvin: Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
On looking yourself in the mirror
Hobbes: So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they’re already met?
On the future
Calvin: Trick or treat!
Adult: Where’s your costume? What are you supposed to be?
Calvin: I’m yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you’re old and weak. Am I scary, or what?
On the truth
Calvin: It’s a magical world, Hobbes, ol’ buddy…Let’s go exploring!
hi rachel. i was reading the “when i knew"s, howcome you don’t have one?
i did not actually write for autostraddle then! i was a wide-eyed breathless reader, just like you. although i can say that i think the “when i knew"s where "when i knew” about autostraddle and wanting to work there, so that’s a nice little circle