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Ode to My Pantry: Vinegar
bottledmystery

Autostraddle has a recurring feature entitled “Ode to My Pantry” where they talk about just one ingredient per column: many uses/recipes, how it is made, how to judge its quality, things like that. This week’s is on vinegar, and the entire article is written in LIMERICKS. I am so pleased. (The meter isn’t perfect, but that’s okay. Limericks! About vinegar! Metric missteps can be forgiven. ^^) The body of the column follows:

***

Making Vinegar
You start with a shitton of booze
Inoculate and wait while it brews
It will form a mother
Which leads to another
When she sinks, it’s ready to use

Apple Cider Vinegar
Make use of your old apple cores
By jarring in your cellar stores
The low acidity
Should prevent rancidity
If it works, give me a taste of yours

Malt Vinegar
First made using hop-free beer
It pours murky and brown, not clear
Brewed up by Brits
To douse fish and chips
But I prefer my acid more severe

White Wine Vinegar
Quelle surprise! It’s made from white wine
Just stomp grapes and let ‘em decline
Don’t think I’m a nutter
But they taste like butter
As beurre blanc fodder it’s divine

Balsamic Vinegar
Mix with oil to dress up your salad
As a dressing, it’s totally valid
The real stuff is aged
While the new’s colour’s staged
But hey, your food won’t be pallid?

Rice Wine Vinegar
It’s great in a summery pickle
Salt and sugar, this brine isn’t fickle
Mild with a crunch
A great snack to munch
Dress your salad! Just needs a trickle

Red Vinegar
This condiment’s kind of a lie
It’s just regular rice wine and dye
But it’s a dip for wontons
Or juicy steamed buns
And I’ll add a splash to stirfry

Distilled White Vinegar
A spritz’ll make your house shine
Luckily this chemical’s benign
Clean and disinfect
A fridge left unchecked
Then use the leftovers for brine

Raspberry Vinegar (or Any Other Flavoured Vinegar for That Matter)
Keep some in your pantry’s tool kit
But when serving foodies, be sure to omit
Sure it is fruity
But they’ll become snooty
While asking, “What decade is it?”