The cast of Orange is the New Black for Entertainment Weekly.
I love that everyone’s wearing their uniform and Laverne’s like *bam* gorgeous dress *bam* diva *bam* goddess *kapow*
When you’re a little girl growing up in an evangelical Christian church, one of the first things you learn is that you are intended to be the Bride of Jesus Christ. The Bible talks about it nonstop.
Your wedding dress will be your glowing good deeds, like a gown made of threaded moonbeams (Revelation 19). Jesus will spend most of his time washing the gunk off of you because it’s his main job to keep you from being so disgusting (Galatians 6). And don’t ever doubt how grimey you are; everybody knows he plucked you out of whoredom (Hosea 1), which is a little weird since you’ve got to be more virginal than fresh-fallen snow to get him to marry you (2 Corinthians 11).
If you begin to feel slighted that your groom has a million other brides, just remember that God one time said King Solomon was “the wisest man to ever live.” That guy had 700 wives and 300 concubines, and everybody involved in that situation liked it just fine. Read The Song of Solomon, if you don’t believe it. Wait, no. Don’t read The Song of Solomon. Too much talk about “climbing palm trees” and “taking hold of fruit” and “going down” to “the garden.” You’re too young to be thinking about “the garden.” Just hush and calm down (1 Corinthians 14) and God will send you a human husband to stand in for Jesus and teach you what you need to know (Ephesians 5).
If You’re Not On Top of Your Email, It’s Okay
Queermos, remember last year when Rachel and Kaitlyn showed us how they beast their email inboxes? And then I made a few suggestions for neat apps we could all try while we aspired to be as wonderfully organized as Rachel and Kaitlyn both are? And then I said my famous last words:
Well. That made me feel wildly inadequate. Right? Based on these recommendations from two of my favorite team…
Saturday Morning Cartoons: Trick or Treat
Welcome to Saturday Morning Cartoons, a segment where four artists take turns delighting you with their whimsy, facts and punchlines on Saturday mornings! Our esteemed cartoon critters are Cameron Glavin, Anna Bongiovanni, Megan Prazenica and Yao Xiao. Today’s cartoon is by Megan!
Boob(s on Your) Tube: Sexytime Hijinks on The Good Wife and Doc’s Ex-Girlfriend on Jane the Virgin
Welcome to week two of Homosexual TV Moments We Didn’t Recap and You Didn’t See Due to Your DVR Being 97 Percent Full Because Your Girlfriend Won’t Delete the Last Season of Grey’s Anatomy Even Though You Can Stream it Now For Free. Unfortunately, that isn’t an SEO-friendly column title. Neither is Riese’s suggestion of Boob(s on Your)Tube, but we’re going with it. You can thank her in the…
Transparent 105 Recap: The Summer Girl Drinks A Bloody Mary
Welcome back to Transparent, the show where you get to feel every emotion on the emotion chart ranging from “confusion, sadness at Josh’s shirt collars” to “full on panic attack.”
Every one of these corresponds to a Taylor Swift song; you have five minutes. READY GO
The emotion we start out with is “sex.” Josh picks up a pretty real estate agent at a bar, and they go home to have teevee sex in…
FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: What’s The Story Behind Your Tattoo?
Feature image via shutterstock.com
Welcome to the Friday Open Thread! It’s just like the high school cafeteria where we hang out, talk, laugh and gossip but without all the judge-y glares, awkwardness and cliques!
How’s y’alls week been? I’m ready for Mercury to get the fuck out of retrograde and make all the nonsense in my life to just stop. Despite some really BIG complicated friend issues…
The Comment Awards Are All Treat, No Trick
Greetings ghouls and gals! This week was full of fall excitement in the Straddleverse.
Heather Hogan joined the A-Team, Riese embarked on the journey to find America’s Next Top Intern and Maddie recounted her quirky travel adventures across the U.S. (includes a bonus trip to Mey’s town!).
Carolyn helped us celebrate a very special (NSFW) holiday and Laneia got us even more excited about Halloween
Rhymes With Witches: Scream Queens
Halloween is almost here which to me means one thing: overanalyzing horror flicks for any feminist undertones! YAY!!!! Creative writing/Women’s studies major’s work is never done and for this graduate, no season has better metaphors for misogynistic fears and powerful female sexuality than the scary movies that permeate almost every channel and film festival throughout October.
I mean seriously,…
Things I Read That I Love #150: Whatever She Is Fleeing From Will Always Eventually Overtake Her
HELLO and welcome to the 150th installment of Things I Read That I Love, wherein I share with you some of the longer-form journalism/essays I’ve read recently so that you can read them too and we can all know more about Nicki Minaj! This “column” is less feminist/queer focused than the rest of the site because when something is feminist/queer focused, I put it on the rest of the site. Here is…
