You tell yourself that if you were a “real man,” she’d want you. If you weren’t weird, she’d want you. If you had different parts, and looked more like that man over there or that man on that ad, she’d want you. If you were just ever so slightly changed, she’d want you, and it plays into all your weaknesses, all your insecurities, all the little fault lines around your heart.
“However, I used to date men. A lot of men, actually. I slept with a lot of guys, too, and felt genuine attraction towards them and, often, real romantic love. I’ve also had some borderline traumatic experiences with men and I know that has contributed to how I feel about men now. (But I’ve also had traumatic experiences with women that didn’t impact how I feel about women! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, PENELOPE??!! WAS I A REPRESSED LESBIAN ALL THIS TIME?) I also had some serious self-esteem issues that tempt me to write off that whole heterosexual phase as a result of my insecurity and desire to prove my self-worth through being desired by men. WHO KNOWS? At this point, I cannot be myself and also be with a man. Is that a choice I’ve made after living the life I’ve lived? Or is it a reflection of an innate absolute biological preference of women over men? I’ll never know, I guess, but I think that’s fine.”
This is what Riese on Autostraddle had to say in regards to those of us trying to find the right label. I identify with this so much, it hurts. I’m so glad that these words exist– she put it so well.
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ABC’s got some hot new shows, the ACLU wants Hollywood to look at its gender discrimination problem, all about that weird Scream promo, Britney Spears’ new video, general hotness and like 50 other super-important things.
Kristen Stewart and Alicia Cargile may be today’s most notorious gal pals, but they’re not the first. After all, certainly women have been living together, canoodling on beaches in secret together, and slowly whispering to each other while wearing matching clothes for eons. And certainly everyone on planet Earth refused to call them what they were, for myriad reasons related to cultural discourse and also their own reluctance, in some cases, to be out.
We’ve broadly written off intense and deep relationships between these fearless suffrage leaders as “friendships” for years, but it’s worth considering what we’re erasing when we do. Underneath the surface of all we learn is something much queerer than we’d ever been allowed to imagine. Many suffragists lived into old age without men by their sides, and some were known as “spinsters.” Some harbored secret romantic emotions for one another, and some didn’t keep it a secret at all.
Most of these pairs lived together without men in what were referred to then as “Boston Marriages,” which were said to be platonic partnerships but were often emotionally romantic and/or physically intimate, as many of our queer girl relationships with our best friends tend to be either in real life or our wild and most bewildering dreams.
Rebel Girls: Meet (Some Of) the Gal Pals of the Suffrage Movement
Holding a tube of lipstick, I’d pause before applying it. If I wore it, did that make me just a girl wearing lipstick, or a boy in drag, or both at the same time? I didn’t know. Throwing a softball back and forth one day during gym, I mused, maybe I should be trying out for baseball instead of softball, maybe I should wear a cup, not because I need one, but because my chromosomes dictate I should have one. I had a vivid dream where everyone was changing into costumes for a play I was in, and I wanted to wear this pretty dress and I was giving everyone sideye and sour looks because everyone got to just take it as their due that they were SUPPOSED TO wear all the girl stuff or boy stuff that made me feel so conflicted inside.
I never knew what I was supposed to wear or do – I just remember this overwhelming feeling of bitterness and despising everyone for having these easy, autopilot lives. Like, where the fuck was my Easy Bake identity?
Want to read amazing personal stories like “How We Survived Lesbian Bed Death” and excerpts from Riese’s diary but can’t afford an A+ membership this year?
I’m giving away 2-3 silver subscriptions to A+ as a part of my own little version of Give OUT day!
Preference goes towards people who follow me on tumblr but it isn’t required.
Please reblog by 5/16/15 (Saturday night)
I’ll pick folks by my own 50% random 50% arbitrary (ish) standards from those who reblogged it. Feel free to reblog to signal boost but make sure to say that on the post or in the tags.
If you’re picked, I’ll message you for your email address so that I can send you the giveaway code/email info.
TA-DA money for Autostraddle so they can pay their amazing writers something marginally closer to what they deserve AND a gift for you so that you can access some amazing personal stories and hilarious podcasts.
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Stop. Whatever you are doing right now, stop it. Give me your undivided attention. Are you ready for this? (No, you are not.) Cate Blanchett, Our Elfin Goddess of Porcelain Skin, has had many relationships with women. Many relationships with women. I know this because Variety published an interview with her today about her upcoming queer-ish film, Carol, which is based on Patricia Highsmith’s 1952 lesbian pulp novel The Price of Salt. When the interviewer asked her if this is her first time being a lesbian, Cate Blanchett said, “On film — or in real life?” In real life, duh, Cate Blanchett! “Pressed for details about whether she’s had past relationships with women, she responds: ‘Yes. Many times.’”
You heard me: Cate Blanchett has had relationships with women in real life many. times.
Cate Blanchett Has Had Many Relationships With Women, What Is Even Happening
We’re trying to balance being responsible and reasonable with being… not reckless, but rational? Are those all synonyms? It feels reckless, to keep the same donor, but on the other hand — if this were a male partner’s sperm, it’s not like I would trade him in for the hope of an improved model, knowing that the new version could also be a dud, so to speak. It feels like… a reasonable risk. As the wife points out, we did everything ‘right’ the last time, and we know how that turned out, so maybe we should let go of some of the control this time and let things be. I vacillate between that and 'must control or else I’ll blame myself if something happens again.’
