I have to think of myself as I am now. I can’t stand to think of myself as waiting. I can’t stand to think of myself as in-progress. So I think of myself as desire because I think of desire as a thing that lives in me now and will continue to live beyond this vessel.
Colette, My Trans Body as a State of Desire
It’s funny. We have legal documents declaring our marriage valid in two different states. We’ve been together and in love for years. But it was the birth of our daughter this daredevil, this personality, that really made our home feel like family.
The first time I knew I was a top was when a girl I was dating said, “Please, hit me harder,” and then, later, whispered, “I can take more than you can give me.”
It was a dare. Her eyes flashed when she said it. She boasted her ability to bottom to heavy pain and sensation, and she was right — I was holding back, fearful of my own power. It scared me. It felt like a bottomless pit of growling, howling violence that I was just barely keeping in check.
Her dare made me stronger, and made me ask: What would happen if I opened up that part of me and allowed myself to explore it? Could I be trusted to honor safewords, to stop if something went wrong, to be accountable if we went too far? How could I balance this fear, this real and ravenous inner sadist, and reality?
That was the puzzle I wanted to crack.
Speaking of queer characters, two of my favorites, both in Agents of the Realm and on the whole internet, are Jordan and Mackenzie. They’re totally adorable, agree or disagree? But seriously, Can you talk about those two and their relationship a bit?
Uh AGREE. Oh gosh, writing and developing their relationship is kind of the break I give myself from the heavier stuff in this story. There’s so much I have planned for them, most of which I can’t give away for major spoiler reasons but let me just say that it is just only going to get more cute from here. The major thing about their relationship, though, is that it’s a learning experience for them both. It’s emotionally new territory for both Jordan and Mackenzie in that it’s a much more playful and sincere situation than they’re both used to. Jordan doesn’t have much of a good track record with positive relationships and the same goes for Mackenzie. How they both deal with that is different and causes some tension and misunderstanding but… once they get over that hurdle, it’s just pure cuteness.
Drawn to Comics: Talking To Mildred Louis About How Agents of the Realm is a Love Letter
Today I get to wash and put away a couple of thrift-store bags full of flannels and t-shirts and these socks that look like they should be worn while field-dressing a deer. And the next time I go out, I get to feel present in my skin.
I’m going to carry on doing what I love and I’m going to enjoy every minute of it. In fact, I think it’s really important that I do, because being trans does not mean that you need to give up on your life, or your friends, or your family, or your career or your achievements.