wait it out. pay no attention to the mutual friends. that’s dangerous territory.
MASTURBATE.
have you ever tried humping the arm of a sofa? i haven’t, but i’ve seen someone do it on one of the free teaser porn things i was talking about earlier and i thought, “if i ever get bored with [top 3 masturbation techniques] i am definitely humping the arm of the sofa.”
it helps to have a yard you can send them to.
also i’m just really honest with slade and tell him that i’m on my period or feeling sad and that i need to lie down and he makes eli a peanut butter & jelly and everything’s cool, mostly.
hm, have you ever tried pad thai and Twilight?
i have nooooo idea. everything i touch turns to awkward. just be honest and braced for rejection, i think.
we probably have around 3 articles about this on AS.
don’t do the thing where you bring it up while you’re drinking and then later say that you were just talking out of your ass b/c you were drunk.
it will probably end in tears, yes. but that’s only b/c it’s really hard to find two people on the same maturity page with the same needs and same level of honesty, i think.
but also, most things end in tears, don’t they? i had this really cute grey wool peacoat a few years ago and someone BURNED IT WITH A CIGARETTE and i cried a lot and also yelled at them, but i’m really fucking glad i had that coat while i did b/c it looked super cute with my pixie cut.
i have pictures to prove it.
um, when i did it, he was 7 or 8 and it went like this:
“i’m gay. do you know what ‘gay’ means?”
“no.”
“it means i want to have a relationship with a woman instead of a man. i want to watch movies and cook dinner with a woman. we’ll hold hands and hug, too. that’s 'gay.’”
“ok.”
other questions came up as he got older:
“why are you gay?”
“i don’t know. the same reason some people aren’t gay.”
“will i be gay?”
“i don’t know.”
“i don’t want to be gay.”
“ok. it’s not hereditary. you probably won’t be.”
“ok. how do you know when you’re gay?”
“when the person you want to trust your heart to has the same body parts as you do. and when you want to kiss them.”
“ok. i don’t want to kiss boys.”
“k, then you’re probably not gay.”
“ok.”
i think we vacillate.
some days i think i’m maybe the best thing to hit earth and other days i want to bury my head in pudding and change my name.
but also i’m a little crazy, so. either way, fuck shape magazine wtf. pick up a copy of BITCH.
some people just like to flirt with everyone. i flirt with guys. guys are easy to flirt with. also like, i’m good at it. i’m better at flirting with guys than i am flirting with girls, actually. with girls i’m usually like OH MY GOD I LOVE YOUR HAIR AND YOU SMELL SO GOOD CAN YOU HOLD ME PLEASE? PLEASE HOLD ME. OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE YOU ARE SO LOVELY.
so what i’m saying is, maybe she’s flirting with you the best way she knows how and she’s flirting with the boys to pass the time while you work up the nerve to FLIRT BACK you chickeshit. (love you)
or maybe not. idk.
you are going to hate me for saying this - riese will hate me more - but i swear it works: you have to imagine her using the bathroom.
i’m sorry. it works.
i think yes, people do pay for porn. i don’t. i watch the free teaser trailers over and over again. all of them. i have a folder in bookmarks for them. it’s obviously labeled ‘sandwiches’
MAYBE EVEN MADDOW? you are so full of shit.
have you considered relocating to the greater phoenix area?
i want to put a big sticker in the shape of a heart on your cheek, kiss it, and then squeeze your arm and say “way to go, tiger”
maybe you were meant for greater things
