you guys have a lot of feelings about coming out to your friends and this is what i think re: the easiest way to come out in general:
you know how a girl will just say “sorry i’m late! our garage door is fucking up and i couldn’t close it with the clicker so i had to get out of the car, go in, push the button and even THAT didn’t work so i had to hold it down and omg anyway the garage door is totally fucked and it took me 20 minutes just to close the damn thing. steve is supposed to call a repair person today so like HOPEFULLY this shit won’t happen again.”
and from that you’ll probably gather that a) this person shares a home with another person, via the use of the word ‘our,’ b) her garage door is fucked, c) steve is likely her boyfriend, possibly her roommate.
so you make notes of these assumptions in your brainspace and then one day she says “have you eaten at new thai place on 7th? we want to find a new place b/c the last time we ordered from captain jack’s thai palace, steve’s pad pak had a razor blade in it so we obviously can’t order from there anymore.”
and from that you’ll note that they probably eat together on a regular basis, which will probably have you leaning more toward boyfriend than roommate, i mean you’ll just assume.
and then one day she says “FUCKING STEVE I SWEAR TO GOD sometimes i just want to punch his ears but i don’t do it because his ears are so cute and really they’re the first thing i noticed about him BUT GOD IT’S SO HARD TO LIVE WITH SOMEONE YOU REALLY LOVE AND NOT WANT TO PUNCH THEIR EARS WHEN THEY INSIST ON REFRIGERATING THE TOMATOES! i mean, everyone knows that tomatoes aren’t supposed to be refrigerated and like HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO REMIND SOMEONE?? sorry i’m just stressed out because the dog peed on my shoes this morning and i think i have meningitis SIGH anyway.”
and then you’ll know that she and steve are for sure dating, that you really don’t want a dog because like, all dogs eventually pee on your shoes it’s just a fact, and you’ll wonder what’s so cute about steve’s ears. you’ll make a note to look at his ears when you meet him.
so what i’m saying is, straight people just fucking talk. they just talk. they don’t sit around for hours and think about how they’re going to let everyone know they’re straight AND that they’re dating steve. they just live their lives and talk about steve and you just know what’s up. i think you should just do that.
also i want to take this opportunity to tell you that i always feel like i have meningitis.
