I’m really glad that you think so. I feel like I’m taking a lot of credit when it should really go to my new friend Brooke, who told me that I had to listen to them.
nothing is wrong with you.
will you all please cut that out and paste that to your heartface? nothing nothing is wrong with you.
nothing.
so you know you’re gay and you’re fine with it, but also you read anti-gay things and feel like shit. i think we all do this in one way or another via reading any mainstream anything.
sometimes i read magazines written for straight women who apparently live in caves or castles - nothing in between - so clearly that’s not an uplifting experience. and sometimes i read comments on gay-related articles and i’m sure you know how that usually goes.
what i mean is, we all do this, or some variation of this.
maybe in some ways it’s an attempt to keep track of the fuckery that negatively affects our lives?
or it’s that pocket we have - the one that reminds us that we could lie. i mean, we could just lie forever, couldn’t we? i could lie. i think i could’ve lied forever.
but then we decided that we didn’t want to die that way and so we certainly didn’t want to live that way.
that pocketful of bullshit keeps our feet on the real ground - the ground we stomp on with our real real real feet.
but the point is that you’re ok. nothing is wrong with you.
this one time in high school i took so many caffeine pills that my boyfriend had to come over to my dorm (boarding school) and put all my scholastic award (don’t ask) applications together (i won tho!) and help me organize like 3 school projects in an hour (boys were only allowed in our rooms for 2 hrs a day) b/c i couldn’t form a coherent sentence or think or see or prioritize
this other time in college i took a lot of caffeine pills every day for a long time which eventually ended up accumulating into a for-real mental breakdown which may have been totally unrelated but probably isn’t and in any case, you know, it is what it is.
i get it – the high of being high and on fire. but you know what feels so much fucking better than that? getting some goddamn sleep.
Seems like IRL you wouldn’t sit there, even in 6th grade, openly shit-talking a classmate’s drawing of a giraffe, within range of the person being shit-talked, who may be standing in front of you as you speak negatively about their existence. Doing something like that, besides being unseemly, would likely would cause the person you’re shit-talking—and, indirectly, others with similar interests, preferences, sensibilities—to feel sad and alone and less glad to be alive and probably lose interest, to some degree, in deriving satisfaction from non-rhetorical, or “artistic,” expression, and begin to either “censor” themselves or conflate concrete reality with the world of abstraction, which can lead to killing rampages and other violent activities that you likely feel opposed toward.
i used to wonder that a lot too. not b/c of childhood sexual abuse but b/c of other things i don’t talk about. but either way what could i do. and i guess at some point i had to make peace with the fact that it doesn’t really matter why a thing is what it is… it just is what it is. and i don’t think anyone can convert from 100% het to 100% homo, but people wavering in the middle – well things happen. things fucking happen that totally fucking suck and never ever ever get better and never stop hurting but just the same, we go on despite it. and we like who we like or we don’t. gender is one of many traits in a partner that can be fucked up by past experiences.
but the real point is that you don’t have to BE anything, really. ‘bisexual’ or 'lesbian.’ you just live your life and find out who you’re drawn to. you meet a man or a woman or a transperson who you want to fuck and/or love and then you follow your heart into that wanting. that’s all anyone does, really.
love and lust are the only things that happen to human beings anymore that aren’t necessarily informed/self-controlled, you know? funny right – it’s the one thing we can’t control, and everyone is so desperate to smack a label on it. we must accept this one spot of unpredictable emotion.
you know i hate to be repetitive, but once again i must say YOU DO YOU, GIRL YOU DO YOU
this is a question i don’t know the answer to
i think there’s been a mistake
i maybe should’ve asked an answerer this question 100x in my life
but i never did
instead i just did it
so, i don’t know
but if you ever find out
let me know
i stayed away from Mad Men for the longest time because everyone else’s excitement turned me off to the whole thing. sometimes a mass of people falling all over themselves for a tv show is just fucking obnoxious. then i had season one on dvd and i really hated it b/c the men were misogynists and the women were pushovers and the whole thing just made me miserable.
and then episode 9 ended with Betty shooting birds in her bathrobe and i reached a higher plane.
what i’m saying is, have you seen Alice and Dana have sex?
