did she now? oh, laneia. that tricky little tigress!!
you should cut it off with the best friend until you figure out what’s happening in your own relationship.
how do you feel
how does that idea make you feel?
can you do it?
ok then. we are done here.
OR
do you feel that such a thing would be impossible, because this girl – the best friend – is so so so so so so SO RIGHT –
then read on, grasshopper!
what anyone’s gonna tell you is that this isn’t going to end well, you’re only in it for the danger.
that’s partially true because unless your girlfriends are assholes-who-never-treated-you-right or already-over-you-too, this isn’t gonna end well for at least 2 of you.
i mean, shit – she’s moving in on her bff’s girlfriend-of-3-yrs and you – her girlfriend of 3-years – is stepping out with her closest friend. that’s a lot. what a tangled web you’re weaving, spidermonkey.
I’ve never been in this situation specifically – but I do know that sometimes something “wrong” feels so “right” because it IS right.
but it’s *wrong* because you made other loyalties/commitments before you were aware of one another’s delightfulness. and i mean that – this needs to be delightful. not SO INTENSE AND ROMANTIC AND BIG AND SECRET because i mean, that’s easy, drama is easy, we’ve seen it on TV – but what i’m talking about here is something that makes you understand greeting cards or want to scream with happiness or sets your skin on fire and makes you laugh so hard you almost choke and die every day. something with light shining on it.
and it sucks! i mean – you win because you found IT. but you lose because you have to hurt people.
because there’s no point to love if you’re lying. there’s no point to a relationship where you’re not giving it your authentic self and there’s no point in lying to yourself to please somebody else because they don’t want your lie! they want your truth! so either you change your truth, or you go. you can’t just change the story, that’s cheating.
if your girlfriend has been good to you then you do this: be SURE before you tell your girlfriend. if you’re going to change the story to soften the blow, you better be tight and not sloppy because anything she finds out later will be a knife through her heart. your gf expects gf things from you – loyalty, kindness, patience, desire, honesty, caring. you’re gonna be throwing those things out the window but you can keep honesty. respect her.
and if she never wants to speak to either of you again, then that is your cross to bear, and hopefully time passes and these things get easier and you can all reunite. i know a couple who started out similarly who said even their friends who were mad at the time came around when they saw how happy they were together. people like their friends to be happy.
there’s 3-4 ani difranco songs on this topic but right now i’ve got this chris pureka song stuck in my head now called “burning bridges”: “this is a story of burning bridges and allowing time to pass, this is a story of forgiveness and breaking things in my hands, this is a story of understanding you can’t choose who you love, this is a story of soft skin and rats in the walls.”
