i have just started talking to a girl and we are both interested in dating, but i am terrified. i have an std and at what point do i have to tell her before it’ll be me hiding something? this has kept me single for 2 years now.
oh honey. i feel like you’re feeling bad about this and i don’t want you to feel bad about this. if you’ve just started talking, you definitely definitely don’t have to tell her. even if/when you start dating, you don’t have to tell her. i would say when it gets to the point where it looks like you’re going to sleep together - NOT when you’re like already on her couch with your shirt off but while you’re still at the restaurant having dessert - then say “hey, there’s something i want to tell you: just so you know, i have ______ and right now my status is ____. i deal with it with by using [protection/barrier method/medication] and it would affect you in X way [if at all.]” things not to say: “i’m really sorry” or “i would understand if you didn’t want to be with/touch me.” because you shouldn’t be and you don’t. if you’re honest and responsible about your sti, then she has no reason to worry. and if you’re calm and collected about it then she can be too. maybe she will have questions about the particulars of your sti, and maybe it would be helpful for you to answer them, although you don’t necessarily owe that to anyone. you do not have to defend yourself/your choices/feel guilty. ok? ok. where do you think you guys are gonna go/what will you wear/is she a hottie???