the question was: Sometimes, I really want to curl up and stop existing but life forces me to fake happiness/contentment. How can I tell people I don’t want to talk without sounding self-important/self-pitying/like I’m crying for attention?
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answers:
yes! here are the answers:
1. Say it assertively and like you fucking mean it - but you know, depending on who is asking (and if they tend to take things personally or not) be kind in wording it. I like to say any variation of: I’m in a ___ mood, but I really don’t want to talk about it right now, and/or it has nothing to do with you / I need to just be alone right now to (cringe) process my feelings, please don’t take it personally. Don’t drag your vowels when talking (Like: Q. What’s wrong A. Nooooooothing….) that’s when it sounds like you want the person to keep digging for answers cause clearly something •is• wrong. If you don’t want to talk about it say you don’t want to talk about it, right then, or with that person, maybe later, when you’re ready.
2. People you don’t know well - when you can, find a graceful way of leaving the situation so that you can be alone for a while. If you can’t, or not just yet, you need to keep faking - but take care of yourself when you can go home, be gentle with yourself, give yourself time to curl up. You can’t stop existing but maybe you can talk kindly to yourself while you feel like that?
With people you do know, maybe just say, “I’m ok, I just don’t want to talk for a while?” I imagine that if they know you, they would understand that? You don’t sound at all self-important, self-pitying or crying for attention. Maybe they will hear the difference?
3. Say you have an important phone call re: family/friends/loved ones of any kind, excuse yourself–go home, get in bed, and fall into a Bon Iver coma until you remember that at some point in life you were happy and you can be that way again even if right now it’s the most impossible thing to imagine.
4. I like to say “I don’t want to talk right now.” and you are not in charge of their reaction. They choose how they think you feel, and you are the only one who knows how you truly feel. We all need “fuck off” days.
5. Taking time to yourself is important and if you feel that you need time alone to gather yourself then do so hun. People can’t expect another person to be turned on all the time. We are all humans and we have all gone through a tough time in our lives. If others do belive you are all those things you’ve mentioned just because you’re taking time to yourself then they are being a bit selfish and hipocritical. I’m almost sure that when they are in a bad mood all they wish is to be left alone as well. You are not crying for attention or pitying yourself if all you want to do is be alone. Everyone needs a break, the important thing is to go about it the right way.
Stay strong hun, I’ll be here to talk if you need me
:)
6. “I just need time to figure my shit out.” That’s what I tell people when I am faced with these moments.
7. “Don’t take this personally, but I’m in a funk and don’t really want to talk right now.”
8. You don’t have to explain yourself. If you don’t want to talk about something then don’t. Like you always say, “you do you”. You know whats right just follow your instinct. ( rum and coke makes it so I cant spell) Im young but I value you so thats why I answered your question even if it is a poke at my personal self.
9. Maybe just try to explain to them that everyone is build differently and you just need some quiet time without anybody bothering you. If they don’t get it don’t worry about it. You do you!
10. Just tell them you don’t want to talk. They should understand.
As an avoidance strategy set aside time you you everyday. Where no one is allowed to email/talk/call you. I find that keeps me from going batshit insane.
11. Oh. I wish this was easy. But its not. Last year I got sick and I almost completely stopped talking to a lot of people I care about. There could be a lot of reasons, but I didn’t care about what the reasons were. I just retreated inside of my head and beat the shit out of myself for not wanting to spend time with people that love me.
Recently, after some therapy, I realized that the reason I haven’t wanted to spend time with my friends is because I am worried they will expect me to be the same person I was before I got sick, that they won’t accept this person who experienced this illness.
I am not the same, its true, but it’s not fair of me to expect rejection from people. I have to give them the benefit of the doubt. I have to realize that I am the one not accepting me, not forgiving myself for the changes that have happened.
But mostly, its ok. We all need time sometimes. Life is fits and stops, especially for those of us who like to make it harder than it could be. You know? I think you know. I think you’re great. I think we will all forgive you and support you if you need to take some time. Think of it as an investment in you. You will be a better you for us if you have the chance for peace.
12. I’m having a hard time answering this..
I think what you need to do is be honest. Be honest with everyone around you. Don’t hide behind a fake wall of happiness/contentment. Also, don’t worry about how people will think when you tell them that you just don’t want to talk. Just be straight up with them and tell them that you don’t want to talk. If they think you’re just trying to sound self-important, self-pitying or like you’re crying for attention, then they aren’t worth even attempting to explain how you’re feeling.
I might think of more later, if so, I’ll just re-respond.
Hope this helps some.
